I’ve been shopping for clothes and thinking about labels.
Not so much the labels sewn to waistbands or neck seams, but designations of popularity and unpopularity, success and failure, left and right and wrong and up and down.
My 40th class reunion is approaching fast. Pressing me to lose that extra five pounds or somehow squeeze into something flattering. Tempting me to think of my life in terms of labels rather than stories.
High school labels like jock, nerd, theater geek, goat roper, band buddy, fat, skinny, beautiful, ugly.
In my scholastic journey from mountain girl to marching band honor student to cheerleader to pregnant graduate with a new last name, my labels were an odd mix. Not all of them impressive.
And whether your label read ASB president or lunchroom outcast, it’s a common desire, I think, to show up to one’s high school reunions with a fresh new label marked Success!
Why Even Go?
When I think about my classmates, I expect the reunion weekend will be populated by some who are simply excited to see old friends and some who will come not so much to see old friends as to be seen by old enemies–the ones who once proclaimed them losers.
I imagine a good many will have a good bit of trouble wrestling over what to do with that invitation.
Trouble wedging this weekend into a schedule filled with important work, recreation, or family events.
Trouble fitting it into a strained budget that may not easily allow for travel expenses even to the football game and free tour of the old alma mater.
Some who have too much trouble reconciling high school visions of the person they would be by now with the one they have actually become.
And I believe there are some who, successful or not, wouldn’t dream of troubling themselves to return to a time and place they’re glad to have left behind.
I understand. It would be easier for me to stay home than to risk the very real possibility that my carefully-constructed reunion-attending self might be given a few labels I’d never choose to wear. A few labels my stylish clothes and self-censured conversation will surely fail to hide.
Because no matter how hard I work to prepare, my old high school chums are bound to notice my various sagging parts are not quite in the cheerleader shape they remember seeing from the bleachers. They may have to squint at my nametag to discover the wrinkly, gray-streaked woman (in whichever outfit I finally decide to wear) is the same personage who once helped them conjugate Spanish verbs or saved a spot for them at the lunch table or barely made it in time to slip into the flute section for the Christmas parade.
Stories Trump Labels
The thing about labels is they have a way of hiding the old stories we lived in Spanish classes and cafeterias and Christmas parades.
And the newer stories that lurk behind hard-earned wrinkles, determined gray hairs, and extra pounds. Stories of loss and challenge and blessings and gifts.
Those who take the trouble to squint at my name tag and ask a few questions will learn what lies behind the unsightly lines that are sure to make my lipstick fan out into a rose-colored sunburst by the end of the night. The story of wrinkles that made their debut when I opened my heart and home to a foster girl who became my daughter. The hard-earned marks of pain that a 12-year-old moving in with her 14th family spilled into me and anyone else who would dare to love her.
And the story behind those bonus pounds I carry? These are a happy testament to failing health now restored after a few years of bi-weekly trips to the IV room.
Story is the thing I must remember, not only for myself, but for the other unrecognizable teenagers attending this reunion. Stories I will never know if I allow myself to be intimidated by labels of success or dismissive of labels of so-called failure. Stories I will never hold if even more divisive labels come out.
The pro- and the anti-labels that send us to opposite sides of the room with mouths open and ears and eyes shut to even the possibility that reasonable stories lurk beneath the unimaginable decisions of the “other side.”
Those who show up will be given a few hours to present ourselves or to hide ourselves or, for the bravest among us, to just be ourselves. These few hours to squint at nametags and pose for snapshots and, perhaps, let our updated pictures paint more than a thousand words.
All-Purpose Wardrobe Advice
I’ll admit, despite all my high-sounding philosophizing of story over labels, I’m still struggling to decide what I’ll actually wear. I would still prefer to appear youthful, beautiful, and stylish, over frumpy and decrepit. And however much effort I apply, I know I’m likely to fall somewhere in between.
I would be wise to rely on the fashion advice I practiced during my medical IV season. Words that started nearly every day then, are surely applicable now.
*So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you. Compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. And whatever else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic all-purpose garment. Never be without it.
Labels are quick, like shame and fear and judgment. Stories require something more.
Something like time.
And love.
So, that’s what I’ll wear to the reunion. Love accessorized with hope. The kind of outfit that lets a person comfortably move through a room crowded with memories. Move past memories of labels to sit down friendly-like and collect a few stories.
*Colossians 3:12 -14 (The Message)
I am one who wouldn’t care to revisit a time I’m happy to have left behind. I recently attended Ralph’s 50th h s reunion. You hit the nail of the head with the squinting to identify folks. The organizers had a h s photo for the attendees to wear, but the visual effort to decipher them was a source of constant comment. And yes, the stories shared were the best part.
Thank you, Yvette! When I’m not feeling nervous, I’m definitely looking forward to that detective work and hearing people’s stories!
Being that person who never desired to attend a reunion, I know everyone has a story and I’m constantly praying that their stories end happy.
Having lost my mom this past month and remembering how much she loved to attend her class reunion. I wish I had taken the time to ask her why she enjoyed it so much.
As usual your lovely stories make us think, truly contemplate the things around us. Love you Jody
Thank you, Sherry! Your comments are lovely, too : )
All so true. Those of us who have lived similar stories to yours have EARNED those wrinkles and other “badges of honor” Maybe if we could remember that maybe the tight muscles and wrinkle-free faces are all that some people have to show…maybe they’ve been afraid to live life to the fullest…HAVING to depend on God for strength, endurance, and JOY. Thank you for the reminders of what created the “look” I now wear…I try my best, but have to remember that once we’re reunited with Jesus, He makes ALL things new🤗 Love you much sweet cousin.
Cheryl, you are always my beautiful cousin, inside and out.
Your words about fear are so true, too. I wish I had earned my wrinkles and gray hair with a little more bravery. Holding on tight to Jesus to do it scared seems the best I can do. But God is ever faithful and provides everything we need in one way or another, right?
Anyway, I’m definitely looking forward to getting that heavenly makeover with you!
I am one that was a reject. I had travelled a million emotional and physical miles before I made it to Hemet. I was insecure did not get to know people easily. I did not find Christ till after High School. It has been a rocky road, marriage, divorce, six children, military, horse training and on. I never have had the confidence I needed. Christ has shown me to depend on Him and I have finally given Him my complete life. I am in Arkansas, working with politics and promoting the Constitution, going to school (again) and working a full time job. I have not been back to California since 2006 and no longer travel all over. I am sure not many even remember me, except maybe as awkward. Battle scars are many, I have been close to death many times but God has a plan. Isaiah 40:31. Ya’ll havent gotten me excited about the reunion, even though I am not able to go. Jody I remember you as a cheerleader. I was always in the shadows…
Dora, I’m so glad you shared a bit of your story here.
Isaiah 40:31 is such a powerful verse. It’s strange that you should mention it today when I actually wrote a section yesterday in my novel focusing on that verse. Here’s a peek:
“The mosquitoes buzz and bang against the window screen, their determined flight reminding her of other wings. Other battling prayers that, on the hardest days, seem to Margo to have been too late. She pulls the cloth from her shoulders and presses it against her face. Presses in the memory of that day at Eagle Bay and the eagle. A picture delivering scripture.
“…but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”
Those words from Isaiah have stayed with her like wings of eagles for the soul. She feels the hard edges of weariness even now as the locals hide away from the heat in midday slumber. She cannot say she runs without weariness, nor is she completely confident this long walk will not be answered with fainting. Her prayers are perhaps, not strong enough, but they are the strongest thing she has.”
I can see just from the few words you’ve shared here, Dora, that God has taken you through so much on that rocky road of yours. I’m so glad you’ve opened your heart to the One who does not count us worthy based on however awkward and unnoticed we think we may be.
I pray a memory or two of some kindness will surface as you reflect back on your high school days. Surely, He was there even then.
Thank you for being brave enough to comment here. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve formed comments in my mind when reading something online without being bold enough to put them out there in the public internet space. I feel blessed to have gotten to connect with a fellow classmate I missed out on back when we went to high school together.
Loved this! You really captured all the feelings and overthinking involved with visiting the past via a high school class reunion. You also brought out the most important thing to wear-love. Well written! I also loved that you gave us a glimpse of who you have become and what you value the most. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Michelle. Your kind words and encouragement mean a lot. I’m glad you could relate : )
I weighed myself this morning. There were my extra five pounds.I thought of you and your blog. (I was on your scale, after all.) My friend Judy says that one’s wrinkles are softened by a little more weight. So if you are an optimist, you can look at those five pounds as a win-win situation. Send us a photo of your gussied-up self when you go, my beautiful friend.
I Do realize that the point of your blog was not to worry about those things, and I know you will go to the reunion ready to be vulnerable and share your real stories and with a heart to truly listen to the stories of your classmates.
I love this, my glass-half-full friend!
So well written, so well said. You, my friend, have always worn that clothing, abundantly I might add. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you not wear that garment and it is a constant testimony to us all. You are a blessing! Miss you! ❤️
Thank you, Karin! What kind words. You are always so kind and encouraging to me. We are both blessed in the friendship God has given us. I miss you, too!
Oh, and I just thought, words are so much more capable of communication, they are just better, but don’t we tell stories with our bodies, how we dress, how we move, and what we do with our movements?
We do! And how often do we misrepresent the stories inside by the way we present the outside (or misread the outside stories presented by others)? Interesting thought.
Jodi, what a beautiful story to make me think about how outward appearances are not what God sees at all. We all think people judge us by what they see, but in reality all we have to do is let Jesus shine in us. And that you do, Jody. I see how you seamlessly move about our church greeting and listening to whomever God puts in your path. Your beauty shines through. Praying it will be a magical reunion that you will always cherish. No worries!! Love you, Jodi.
Oh, Shyrle, what kind words and kind wishes! Thank you, my friend.
I love the wardrobe you chose!
I will be wearing the same!
Col 3:12-14
I can’t remember a times when you weren’t wearing that wardrobe, Carol. You’ve been dressed in love every time I’ve had the privilege to be with you (or read your words).
So well written!
I love your wardrobe choice: Col.3:12-14
I love to wear that as well!💕
Thank you, Carol!
Well written and so true! I missed going to my 50th due to Tim’s leukemia battle, but did go to a few others. We have an active group but getting together is a challenge since I’m on the mainland.
Thank you, Sallie. I’m sorry leukemia has been a part of your story. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. Though I’m sure it has opened up connections with others who have gone through similar stories.
How wonderful that your Hawaii school friends keep in touch! It must be such a treat when you do have a chance to hop over to the island : )
Jody, I so love this blog. I am looking forward to seeing all the people and hearing their stories of life. I can’t wait to see you and all of our other classmates.
Cammie! How wonderful to hear from you. I’m so glad you enjoy my blog and I look forward to catching up a bit at the reunion. How fun to have a comment from someone who will be there with me : )
As one of the social outcasts I am not sure I want to attend. High School was rough for me. All the friends I had were either a grade above or a grade below. I am thinking about going to the football game tho because it’s less pressure to be there than at the restaurants where you have to talk where at the game you can get lost in the crowd. I too wear the wrinkles and the extra weight brought on but what life has served my way. I like to think I went thru the changes gracefully but in my heart I know it was mostly kicking and screaming. So much time has passed and labels still hurt so If I go it will take all of the courage and internal strength that God gives me and I will put my best smile on my face and jump in with both feet.
Darla, I hope you go. The label I want to give you now is Courageous. Thank you for being brave enough to share your thoughts here and give us some of your story. SO much life is packed into the 40 years after high school, yet it’s so easy for us to hang on to the way we felt in our growing up years. I relate to your “kicking and screaming” comment. I think God teaches us grace in the midst of our resistance. I’m so glad he doesn’t wait until I’m ready to progress gracefully!
Jody I have decided and have saved the money to go. The link is down for tickets but I am hoping I can still get two. I want to be the courageous one that you see me as although I will most likely be terrified I really want to try
That’s wonderful, Darla! I just looked up your profile on the reunion site and read your story with great interest. You have so much to share!
I did it! I bought two tickets to the dinner! I am scared out of my mind and have no idea what to wear..are jeans okay? Or is it formal? Semi formal? Oh I may have the perfect top! …Gotta hide the gray hair thats for sure…lol..maybe buy a spanx…lol..just kidding! I look forward to talking with you.
Hooray, Darla!
If you go to the home page of the class reunion site it says smart casual (I had to Google what that means) for the Saturday night dinner. I suppose your smart jeans will be appropriate. The Friday night meet and greet is just before the football game, so that will most likely be a jeans night for me. Which dinner are you going to?
(Feel free to come to me for all your fashion advice–I’m really good at this–Ha!)
Honestly and masterfully written my dear friend! I was the one you spent helping with algebra! I recently thought about you as I prepared to teach a pre-algebra lesson as a short term sub. Oh my goodness! I hope we can all push through the anxiety and see each other for who we have become. I too struggle with the wardrobe as my choice of fashion is still found at most thrift stores! Looking forward to laughing a lot! Thankful for fond memories in amongst the perilous ones. Love you Jody! Jeanette
Yes, laughter! I forgot about laughter! Maybe a thrift store fashion show? I’ve got some ideas now : )
I love you too, Jeanette. So excited to spend some time with you and Kirk.